


Like Real People Do

by LenaWarriorPrincess



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, But these girls need to work through some stuff, F/F, I promise they'll get together eventually, Please be gentle, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sorry guys I know this is rough, SuperCorp, first fic ever, karlena
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 07:46:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14732855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaWarriorPrincess/pseuds/LenaWarriorPrincess
Summary: When Lena shares how Supergirl has lost her trust, Kara must come to terms with the impossibility of the dual lives she's been leading. There was never a good time to come out, but Kara's reached her breaking point and the Girl of Steel is finally ready to risk it all. How could she ever have thought that this friendship would last? How can she survive losing Lena now? And is there any hope Kara could be forgiven?Spoiler alert: There's hope. But there's also a lot of angst. This is Supercorp, after all.





	Like Real People Do

**Author's Note:**

> Kara is shattered after Lena and Supergirl's fight, and no amount of potstickers and '90s TV is going to drown out the angst. Instead, she follows her memory down a road of introspection that reveals more about what made the Girl of Steel the gay mess she is today. In future installations, we're going to get a look inside Lena's head, too, and I promise it will get happier and gayer from here. Our favorite idiots have some couple's therapy to work through before they can actually couple up.
> 
> Again, sorry for all the angst, but we are in a freakin' dark place with this ship in canon right now and it felt weird not to deal with it. These characters are fascinating, even if they're often frustratingly written on the show, so I'm doing my best to explain their actions from my own (gay) perspective. Basically, I think they've both got more than enough reasons to be freaked out by the intensity of their feelings, and I want to explore how very messed up they are both individually and together. I like wicked slow burns and lots of psychology, so buckle up for more angst, feels, and introspection before we start getting those two crazy kids together. 
> 
> Also, sidenote, this is my very first fic EVER and I have NO idea what I'm doing, so please let me know if you have suggestions about formatting/content/style/my life decisions or anything else. Thanks!

Since she first stepped out of her pod and onto Earth, all Kara had wanted was to be normal. Many a time, she believed this to be an impossible task. Tonight was one of those times. Kara sat curled up on her couch, a Friends rerun playing muted on the television, Chinese food boxes scattered in her wake. None of her usual comforts assuaged the creeping thoughts that kept tugging at the back of her mind. No amount of ‘90s TV or MSG could bring her back to her usual state of cheerfulness. Today had been one of the worst days Kara could recall, which was really saying something. Seeing Sam as Reign trying to kill Ruby had been unnerving, to be sure. But the moments she couldn’t shake from her frenzied Kryptonian brain all revolved around a dark-haired CEO who, after today, no longer trusted her.  
Well, no longer trusted Supergirl. Kara, she seemed fine with. Unless she already knew, unless this was all– No. No, as far as Kara knew, Lena believed her friendship with Kara was intact. But that didn’t change the fact that Lena had said those things to he, even if they were meant for Supergirl. It was Kara’s heart that plummeted when Lena said “We don’t have a friendship.” It was Kara who wanted to scream that their friendship was the thing that mattered most to her, that she would never hurt her, that she would do anything to watch that icy guardedness melt away and once again see her friend smiling at her. And later, it was Kara who was stunned when Lena walked into that elevator with a surprised grin and outstretched arms. Kara had accepted the hug with guilt roiling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t deserve this. This hug was Kara Danvers’. But she was Kara Danvers, and Lena was just mad at Supergirl. But she was Supergirl. It was getting harder and harder to separate herself. Her friendship with Lena, the one truly human thing she had on this planet, was crumbling, and no amount of super strength could hold it together.  
Kara lay flat on the couch, studying her ceiling. She struggled to shut out not only the roar of the National City nightlife, but the words spoken in that elevator.  
“I can never trust her again.”  
As Kara tried to pull her mind from the events of the day, she kept flashing back, all the way back to those early days on Earth.  
On her first day of school, Kara learned what adrenaline really felt like. After a flurry of comforting words from Eliza, her morning turned into an anxious blur. She vaguely felt herself walking towards the school, but she felt more like a tiny pilot in the back of her head controlling her body than a person actually living. She wasn’t Kara Danvers; this wasn’t her life. The brick building loomed into view and the implication of its contents sent icy bursts of adrenaline through Kara’s limbs. Her hands started twitching and she clenched them into tight fists.  
Stepping through the entrance, Kara nearly collapsed at the sensory overload. Fluorescent lights blared down on her. Thousands of voices bored into her sensitive ears. Screeching girls, shouting boys, an announcement on the PA system, lockers slamming shut, the warning bell, everything overwhelmed her and swept her along in a flood of bodies who all seemed to know exactly where they were headed. Kara felt a tug at her elbow and saw an exasperated-looking Alex trying to pull her in the right direction.  
The day never got easier. When it was time for P.E., she couldn’t find the gym and asked an older student for help. She wandered for a half hour in search of the non-existent third floor, where she had been assured the gym existed right next to the pool.  
When Mrs. Thompson, her English teacher asked the class to write out their headers at the top of their worksheets, Kara had to turn and ask for help from a red-headed girl at her table. “Sorry, what does she mean by ‘header?’” she asked.  
“What, you’ve never heard of a header? That’s elementary school stuff. It’s just your name, the class, the teacher’s name, and the date.”  
“Thanks so much.”  
“Were you homeschooled or something?”  
It wouldn’t be the last time she was asked something like this. Kara might have had superhearing and a firm grasp of English, but no matter how hard she listened, she couldn’t understand half of what her classmates said. Later, she would come to understand that they were referencing movies, TV shows, in-jokes, music, books, all sorts of pop culture and slang she had never been taught about on Krypton. It was like learning a second language. Quickly, she learned to read the room and mirror everyone else’s reactions during these blindspot moments, but she could sense that she was always a bit too late, a note off, and others could tell. Their curious looks burned themselves into her brain, and she started closing herself off.  
For two weeks, Kara spent her lunchtime sitting alone in the unbearably loud cafeteria. There was no pretending that others weren’t talking about the weird new girl behind her back; she could hear every jab, every snicker. It didn’t feel like a superpower.  
Over a decade later, remembering this moment, Kara felt her stomach churn and a prickly sense of embarrassment creep over her. She knew it was ridiculous to judge her old self. She was a child when she came to Earth. It was not her fault that she was different. But in those early years, her sole motivation in life was to blend in. She didn’t even want popularity, just not to be shunned and mocked at every turn. She just wanted to fly under the radar.  
So, very deliberately, Kara took the research instincts gifted to her by her Kryptonian heritage and dove into a new field: humans. Luckily, Eliza was kind and understanding and encouraged her on her quest to achieve normalcy.  
Of course, Kara never described it in those terms. According to her, she was just trying to understand Earthlings a little better. That’s why she fell asleep on the couch with the TV still on, catchphrases and characters’ names scrawled in a notebook on the coffee table. That’s why wherever she went, she insisted on keeping the radio on, focusing with superhuman intensity to capture every band name, every song title, every word of the lyrics. That’s why she sat in the cafeteria with textbooks open, pretending to catch up on homework while discreetly listening in on the hundreds of conversations buzzing around her. She was hell-bent on becoming normal, and nothing would stand in her way.  
And it worked, for a while. Kara slowly found herself weaving her way into society, carefully tossing a reference here and there and inwardly rejoicing when they landed, laughing at the right times, being average, for once. In a few years, her group of friends had grown from zero to a perfectly respectable dozen or so. Kara was never let them get too close out of self-protection, but she was pleased to have people to go to the movies with, to invite on sleepovers. She even learned how to do the Cupid Shuffle. She had made it. Eventually, she went off to college still harboring those old insecurities, but armed with the belief that she could handle any new situation thrown at her.  
Now, sitting amongst the emotional wreckage of a catastrophically bad day, Kara wasn’t so sure. She had always known, deep-down where thoughts remain murky and unarticulated, that Kara Danvers was a facade constructed with half-truths. With every passing year, nagging questions became more and more difficult to shove down. How long did she really expect to keep this up? What if, twenty years from now, her child were trapped under a car? Would she reveal herself as an alien then? Of course, any decent mother would do anything to save her child. She would owe it to her child to use her superhuman strength. But would she not also owe it to the rest of the world? Did other people’s children deserve less?  
And so, after years of questioning, one day, she woke up as Kara Danvers and went to sleep as Supergirl. She had never planned on becoming a superhero. That was her cousin’s job. As far as Kara was concerned, her life’s mission was to be as human as possible, to be a caring sister, a loving daughter, a career-oriented young woman with no aspirations of fame or recognition. She found comfort in a future life still flying under the radar. But on that one night, as soon as she realized that her sister was on the nosediving plane, the jig was finally up. She could no longer deny her destiny. She could no longer sit back and watch disasters unfold around her.  
But as inspiring as her newfound determination was, it came at a cost. Living one lie was difficult. Living two seemed impossible. It was always hard to keep her alien genetics under wraps around her friends, and as a result, Kara found herself with few close friends. Being as naturally charming and extroverted as she was, she had dozens of casual acquaintances and near-friends, but asking for anything more felt like making innocent people into accomplices. Being friends with Kara meant being friends with Supergirl, and that came with the unwanted bonus of constant, life-threatening danger. Kara had seen enough action movies to know that the worst thing for a hero to have is someone they really care about. She planned to have as few Achilles heels as possible. It was already bad enough that she was blessed with such a wonderful sister. The last thing she needed was yet another person to feel responsible for.  
And then, she walked into Lena Luthor’s office. Even now, hurt and confused as she was, Kara couldn’t help but smile at the memory. She had made a complete fool of herself, but how was she to know the effect Lena would have on her? There was no preparing yourself for that. Of course, Lena was beautiful. Well, that was an understatement. She was beyond beautiful, she was stunning, and she was epitome of style and class. The collective effect of her natural features and her impeccable taste in fashion was always overwhelming. But that wasn’t what Kara first loved about her. No, it was that even though the two women were so outwardly different, one a dorky reporter with a penchant for cardigans and potstickers, the other a statuesque and imposing billionaire, there was some strange magnetism between them. Kara had been shocked to discover how easy it was to talk to Lena, how comfortable they were, how their first conversation felt like reuniting with an old friend. Lena offered a special kind of sanctuary. Kara loved her for it.  
But that was Kara’s Lena, not Supergirl’s. The difference used to be confusing, but ultimately understandable and somewhat bearable. Lena had respected Supergirl tremendously, almost embarrassingly. The statue was a bit much, in Kara’s opinion. More than that, it was a constant reminder that her greatest friendship was rooted in a lie. But at least it had meant that Lena cared about Supergirl. Now, that feeling had evaporated. All it had taken was a single mistake, one moment of weakness in asking James to find out whether Lena had Kryptonite somewhere in those secret labs. Kara had let her fear get the best of her.  
When she realized how badly she had screwed up, Kara had steeled herself for an apology. This was Lena. They were best friends, and Kara had enough confidence in their relationship to know that even if they fought, they would emerge from the conflict stronger, stronger together. She could already imagine how Lena’s face would slowly soften, how she’d understand that Kara’s mistake was momentary weakness, how their friendship was the most important thing to her.  
Boy, had she been wrong.  
“We don’t have a friendship, Supergirl.” Kara played the words over and over in her head, internally wincing at them every time. It was a form of self-punishment, even though she knew they hadn’t been directed at her. But they were. Or, at least, they very well could be in the future.  
It was never supposed to go this far. Kara never allowed it to go this far with other friends. In the past, she either held potential friends at a comfortable distance or brought them all the way into the fold. This in-between was unfamiliar and excruciating. At first, it was so freeing to just be Kara Danvers with someone. Sure, she was constantly making excuses for bailing on lunch and trying not to mention flying, but she had something with Lena she’d never had with anyone else. With Lena, she was just Kara, an awkward, average twenty-something whose darkest secret was probably an inability to bake or maybe an unironic love of Titanic. She was simple. Kara treasured the version of herself that existed in Lena’s head. More than anything, she wanted to live that Kara’s life.  
After today, Kara saw this fantasy as the impossible dream it was. How could she have ever thought that this friendship would work? The problem was, she hadn’t thought about it at all. She had just plunged right in. Typical Kara, never looking before leaping. Maybe if she had thought about it, she could have pulled off the big reveal early on and still managed to save their relationship. Surely, it would have made sense to wait for a couple months or so until she knew she could really trust– there’s that word again– trust Lena with the truth. Even if they’re not named Luthor, you don’t just reveal your secret identity to any random acquaintance. So of course Lena would understand why she waited to tell her.  
Then they could have gone back to normal, but better, now that Kara could be completely honest. She could drop by Lena’s office at night to say hi and be greeted not by the professional, cold attitude that Lena adopted for Supergirl, but the unabashedly delighted smile that she reserved just for Kara. They could order in Chinese food and stay up late and talk about everything, from L-Corp and CatCo business to DEO tech, to how many kittens Supergirl pulled out of trees that week, to Kara’s earliest memories of Krypton, to Lena’s constant struggles being in the spotlight as a Luthor, and she could do it all wearing a cape and not worrying about smiling a little too much like Kara Danvers or that her uniform was peeking out under her collar, and everything would be exactly the way it was suppo–  
No. This was stupid. Kara had been given that chance, and she’d blown it. Completely. This ridiculous little fantasy world was crap. It never existed, it never would exist. Worse than that, it made her heart hurt to think about it.  
_Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is your fault. You don’t deserve to mope. You don’t deserve anything_.  
But Lena did. Lena deserved the truth. No matter what Lena thought, Kara knew that in reality, their friendship was over. She could go through the motions, but their closeness, their ability to share anything and everything, the heart of their relationship, was already gone. Without that, what more did Kara have to lose by revealing her true identity?  
Wiping her eyes under her glasses with the sleeve of her cardigan, Kara forced herself to sit up. Empty Chinese food cartons shifted around her. After a few moments, she got up off the couch and stood in front of her open window. She instinctively pulled off her glasses and started unbuttoning her shirt, before she stopped herself. Kara slid the glasses back on, buttoned up her shirt for the moment, took a deep breath, and jumped out into the night.


End file.
